What do you tell your children?

Dear Readers,

Fr. Joe and I have worked, as you know, for several years with those who have applied for a catholic church annulment. It is a difficult process, especially when dredging up difficult memories. Many are prepared to go on with their lives, and some are stranded with the past unresolved. One area that is always difficult for me is when it comes to the needs of the children of divorce.
I had a picture hanging up in my office at the tribunal. It was a picture of two young children, walking toward a river, holding hands - like brother and sister, gazing at the water. It always reminded me to ask the client the question: "And, what about the children.? How are they? Do they understand what is happening? Did you make it clear to them that they are not to blame for the failure of this marriage? What did you tell them about the annulment? Did you tell them? Are they old enough to understand?

And - I ask myself - are these the best questions to ask the petitioner, and what is the best way for parents of divorce and annulments to handle this with their children? I don't know. I was in my 20's when my parents divorced, and I only had the sense of relief when it finally happened. They were two people who were making each others' lives miserable, as well as the lives of their children. But, if I were younger, and still at home, how would I have wanted my parents to handle the situation? What would I want them to say to me, so that I can understand what is going on with them, and with me?

So, please - I would like your advice.

Did you tell your children about your annulment application? If so, what did you say? What advice can you give to others who are wondering how to handle the delicate situation of telling the children about your annulment application?

Advice and suggestions are welcome! Thank you

Sister Sandra