My husband does not feel he can attend the wedding ceremony. Any advice?

Question:
My husband and I have been invited to a family wedding, but my husband does not feel he can attend as the bride has been married before. Her first husband announced, after they were married that he was a homosexual, and left his wife. She had no knowledge of this prior to marriage. My husband is Catholic and, as the Church does not allow remarriage, he feels he cannot attend the wedding. The couple getting married is not Catholic, but they are practicing Christians. How would the Catholic Church see the situation? Would remarriage be allowed in such a situation? Thank you.

Answer:
The woman would certainly have grounds to petition the Catholic Church for an annulment of her first marriage. If she could prove that her husband was indeed homosexual at the time of the wedding, the marriage would be annulled. If the annulment was granted, that means she would be free to marry again according to the Catholic Church.

However, since no annulment has been granted, I understand your husband's reluctance to attend the upcoming wedding. Yet given the convictions of his faith, perhaps while the wedding is going on he could spend the wedding time praying for your friend – especially that the Lord will heal the pain she suffered during her first marriage when she discovered her husband's sexual orientation. That had to have been extremely difficult for her.

Does a Catholic who marries outside the Catholic Church – and then gets divorced – also need a church annulment?

No. However there are two stipulations: (1) The Catholic party goes through a wedding ceremony outside of the Catholic Church without permission from the Church. (2) Subsequent to the wedding ceremony the union was not blessed by the Catholic Church.

The reason for this is that Catholics are bound by church law to be married in the presence of a priest or deacon. This law is called the form of marriage. If a Catholic does not follow this law, then the Church does not recognize their wedding ceremony as valid in church law.

So if the Catholic party subsequently divorces, he or she is free to marry in the Church because the wedding was never legally binding in church law.

The Catholic party will however need to go through a simple process to prove that the two stipulations mentioned above were in place at the time of the wedding. This process is called a lack of form petition and it is completed with three documents.

In order to facilitate this process a divorced Catholic should make an appointment with someone in their parish and bring the following three documents (1) the wedding license, (2) the divorce decree, and (3) a recent copy of their Catholic baptismal certificate.

When the lack of form petition is granted – which only takes a matter of weeks –both parties to the wedding are free to marry in the Church.

What about Protestant marriages?

Question: Does the Catholic Church consider Protestant marriages legal in Catholic church law?

My husband and I are both baptized Protestants. He was previously married to a Protestant but divorced. We were married in a Protestant Church. I want to join the Catholic Church.

Does HIS previous non-catholic marriage keep me from converting to the Catholic faith? He has no desire to become Catholic. I have had many different opinions and don't know what the truth is, Thanks.

Answer:

The Catholic Church recognizes as valid – in its own law – marriages that take place in other religions. So your husband will need to have his first marriage annulled by the Catholic Church.

But take heart, every Catholic tribunal in the country deals with the marriages of non-Catholics. If his first marriage is declared invalid in Catholic church law you would then be free to enter into the Catholic Church. I suggest speaking with your local parish priest about your husband's first marriage and your desire to become a Catholic.

Spiritual and emotional healing...

Though the annulment process is primarily a legal process in the Church, a person goes through it for his or her own spiritual and emotional well-being. The church lawyers can take care of the church legalities. However as you move through the annulment process take advantage of some resources that are available for your spiritual and emotional well-being.

Here are a couple of options:

Spiritual Healing… This is a great book on spiritual healing after a divorce and as you contemplate an annulment: "Catholic Annulment - Spiritual Healing," by Dennis and Kay Flowers. Check it out on Amazon.com

Emotional Healing… This is THE best selling book on Catholic annulments that not only gives you an understanding of how the process works, but also talks about how you can use the process to your advantage to emotionally heal from the pains of divorce: "Annulment – The Wedding That Was," by Michael Foster. Check it out on Amazon.com

What is happening to my case?

The tribunal investigation can take anywhere from 9 to 15 months on average. This is due to time frames built into the investigation, as well as your tribunal's caseload and the number of staff working at the tribunal. You may experience weeks or months of not hearing anything from the tribunal.

These delays can cause some people anxiety and concern. Some people wonder, what is going on with my case; is something wrong; is there something I should be doing? To alleviate any of your concerns while your case is underway at the tribunal don’t hesitate to check on its status.

If you have not heard from the tribunal within a four-week timeframe, I suggest checking on the status of your case. Following up once a month will help ease any anxiety or concerns you may have wondering what’s going on with your case.

Some tribunals will tell you up front whether they prefer telephone inquiries or written inquiries. If you telephone the tribunal, always have your case name and protocol number handy because the operator will ask for that information to check on your case file. Many tribunals are automated so that information pulls your case file up on the computer right away. If you write to the tribunal, include your case name and protocol number in every letter. This will prevent your letter from being misplaced.

But remember, do not hesitate or think that you are going to hurt your case by checking on its status. You should have a sense of what is going on with your case every month or so. The tribunal personnel are there to assist you, they do not want you to be anxious.

How Do I Find my Ex-spouse?

When applying for an annulment you will need to let the tribunal know where your former spouse presently lives.

If you do not know that information, here is a great resource. Please go to the website www.consentmakesmarriage.com .

On the left hand side of the homepage it states "How to Find My Ex-spouse" - and it lists almost all of the means available.

Letting your tribunal know that you have attempted to find your ex-spouse through these means will show that you have exhausted the potential sources and done everything possible to find your former spouse. It also shows good faith on your part.

Your search will help the tribunal decide that your former spouse is indeed unlocatable. In most instances once that decision is made your annulment application will move forward.

Where do I apply for church annulment?

You really have 4 options. Almost every diocese in the United States has a tribunal – which is a church court – that accepts annulment applications.

You can apply to the tribunal in the diocese:

1. Where you were married
2. Where your ex-spouse now lives
3. Where you now live [for this option your ex-spouse must live in the United States]
4. The diocese where the “majority” of the case testimonies will be coming from – yours, your ex-spouse' and 3 to 5 witnesses [for this option your ex-spouse must live in the United States]

Most people choose to apply to either option 1, 2 or 3.

I suggest going online to look at the tribunal's application papers to decide which option is best for you. If the tribunal does not have its annulment application online, you can call the marriage tribunal and ask them to send you the paperwork.

Once you see what the individual tribunals are asking for up front YOU are in a better position to make a choice.

Two non-Catholics marry and divorce…

Question:

I have been Catholic all my life, never married, and I am engaged to be married to a man who is a non-catholic. He was married before in a civil ceramony in Las Vegas three years ago, but he is now divorced. We are interested in getting married in a Catholic Church. What will he need to do in order for us to be married in the Catholic Church?

Answer:

If the non-Catholic man you are engaged to was married to a non-Catholic woman – even if it was just in a civil ceremony – their marriage in Las Vegas is presumed to be valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church. [This presumes that neither person had been previously married and divorced before the Las Vegas wedding.]

He would need to apply for a Catholic church annulment. If the annulment is granted, he would be free to marry you in the Catholic Church.

I would suggest that you go talk to your parish priest. Have your fiance go with you and he should bring his marriage certificate and divorce papers. The priest will then advise you as to what to do next.

Sr. Sandra

You are a child of God!

I was recently asked:

I hope you can help me. Thank you in advance
I married a man in 1992 who was Catholic. I was/am also Catholic.
For various reasons we were not married in the church. We married in a civil wedding ceremony.
Turns out he was an extremely violent man, which I should have picked up on before we married. Anyway....
We had one child and divorced in 1994.

After being a divorced mom for 8 years I remarried a wonderful Protestant man in 2002. We had another child and both children have been raised within the church. I do not take Holy Communion, because of my divorce and remarriage outside the church and it is killing me.

I feel filthy every time I walk into a church. Is there any way for me to get right with the church again?

I responded:

Since you were baptized Catholic at the time of your first marriage - and you chose not to bring that marriage to the church - your civil wedding is not recognized in church law. So you are not bound to it.

However because the wedding took place you need to show it was never later validated - some people say "blest" - in the church. So all you need to do is to go to your local parish and bring with you:

1. your baptismal certificate (call the church where you were baptized as you need a recent copy),
2. your wedding certificate
3. and, your divorce papers

These documents will show you are free to marry in the church.

Assuming your present husband was not married prior to marrying you - then, you are both free to marry in the Catholic Church.

Please don't delay this because it will, most likely, bring you a great deal of peace of mind,

And, know that God never considers you "filthy" - you are God's child - God cares and loves you very much!