Be Gentle on Youself

Be kind and gentle on yourself. Going through a divorce is very painful on many levels. One of the harshest pains is the fear of other peoples’ judgments. The same can be said about going through a church annulment. What will people think? However don’t be harsh on yourself because of what other people may think. You lived the realities of your marriage and you alone know the truth behind what led to the divorce. Please don’t judge yourself harshly… Be gentle on yourself. God knows what is in your heart and loves you more than you can imagine.

Annulment vs. Divorce

A civil divorce is concerned with the division of assets and liabilities; and if there are minor children, the fulfillment of parental obligations. It is devoid of emotional healing. However the annulment process is centered on the emotional aspects of your marriage. It helps you realize why the previous marriage ended. So you become aware of how you need to change, or the type of partner you need to avoid. Hopefully, it enables you to define realistic expectations for a future marriage.

What is/was your annulment experience?

For many divorced individuals the annulment process is a difficult one. They find it invasive and overwhelming. For others, the process brings closure and healing. If you have applied for a church annulment, let us know your experience. Your anonymous responses to the survey on the link below can help tribunals deal compassionately with divorced women and men.

http://www.consentmakesmarriage.com/

Where should you apply for an annulment?

Every tribunal handles annulment cases differently. You may find some tribunals have policies that are easier for you than others. So before you actually begin the annulment process go to Google and search the diocesan websites applicable to you. Click on the diocesan Tribunal link. Normally, the local processes are outlined in the FAQ section.

The dioceses that have jurisdiction to process your case fall into four categories. They are the diocese: (1) where the wedding occurred; (2) where your ex-spouse is presently living; (3) where you are presently living; and, (4) where the majority of testimonies [i.e., yours, your ex-spouse and the witnesses] will be collected.

Do I need a specific reason to request an annulment?

A person's reason for seeking an annulment will not affect the outcome the case. The vast majority of divorced women and men requesting an annulment hope to remarry in the Catholic Church. Some people do so for "peace of conscience" reasons, with no immediate remarriage plans. Whatever the reason, every divorced person has the right in church law to make a petition. Why not make use of that right?

Is the Catholic Church judging me during the annulment process?

Some divorced individuals are uncomfortable approaching the Church for an annulment out of concern that the Church is judging them as individuals, or, because they went through a divorce. However the annulment process does not judge the person, or, the divorce. The annulment process is focused only on whether or not the sacrament of marriage happened on the wedding day. So please do not let a fear of judgment prevent you from applying for an annulment.

I'm engaged to a divorced non-Catholic ...

Does a non-Catholic, divorced man need a Catholic annulment? The answer is Yes.
The reason is the Catholic Church considers all weddings [with one or two exceptions] as legal in Catholic Church law.
So before a divorced non-Catholic person is free to marry again, a church annulment - or perhaps another legal process - is needed.

Book on Annulments and Spiritual Healing

When going through the annulment process it is easy to get bogged down in the formalities and requirements of church law. They can be an offputting obstacle for you. However, the annulment process can be used to your personal advantage. You can use it to gain a greater understanding of yourself. When done correctly, the annulment process can be an emotionally and spiritually healing one.

To help you with that we highly recommend the book: "Catholic Annulment – Spiritual Healing" by Dennis and Kay Flowers. You can find it on Amazon.com under the title or authors names.

Spiritual hope after divorce…

Going through a divorce can have a negative effect on a person's spirituality. It is natural to judge yourself and to be concerned about the judgments of others. But perhaps you even worry about or fear God's judgment of you.

But that fear is misplaced. God's love for you is ever present. God is not disappointed in you. God does not think less of you. God does not reject you in any way because of a divorce. Rather, it is during difficult times such as divorce that God's love for you is ever present. God is holding on to you – try to feel the embrace!

A person's childhood affects their marriage ...

The family situation within which a person grew up can have a profound affect on their choice of a marriage partner, or, their decision to marry. For example, if you, or someone you know, grew up in an alcoholic home, you may find Janet Woititz's book, "Adult Children of Alcoholics" very enlightening.

What keeps you from applying for an annulment?

There are many reasons divorced men and women hesitate applying for an annulment. Perhaps, the process is too overwhelming; fear it will affect the legitimacy of children; a resistance to relive the painful experience of the divorce; no desire to have anything to do with the ex-spouse. Every one of these hesitations – and others – is understandable. What are your hesitations? Let us help!

If my ex gets an annulment does that mean I get an annulment too?

The answer is, Yes.
When an annulment is granted it affects both parties. The granting of an annulment means neither one of you is considered husband and wife in the Church. You both have the status of "single" in the Church. So you are both free to remarry.

How much does an annulment cost?

The cost for an annulment varies from diocese to diocese. In a few dioceses there is no cost. In most dioceses it is approximately $400-$600. In a few dioceses it can be as high as $1000. However, whatever a person applying for an annulment is asked to pay is only part of the overall cost to process their case. Every diocese throughout the United States subsidizes its tribunal for the majority of its costs. So every case is in fact subsidized by the Church.
No one in any diocese is turned away for an inability to pay.

You Are Not Alone ...

If you are applying for an annulment or going through the annulment process you can feel very much alone. Often annulment petitions can go into a tribunal and you hear nothing for months the time. You may wonder, is anyone else going through this experience?

You may be surprised to know that in 2008 [the most recent year for these records] there were approximately 20,000 annulment petitions initiated in the United States. Since every petition involves both parties – and normally 3 to 5 witnesses – that means that there were anywhere from 100,000 - 140,000 people interacting with tribunals across the country.

So if you are feeling isolated and "in the dark," know that there are many other people asking the church to consider the annulment of their marriage is well. You are not alone!

Need Help with Your Annulment Application ...

Have you filed for an annulment only to have received about 20 pages from the Tribunal - each page looking more overwhelming than the first? Has this happened to you or to a friend or neighbor? That is exactly why www.churchannulment.com has been started. Help is there - don't feel like you are going it alone. Our professional staff will help with the paperwork and make sure that you are properly prepared.

How long does it take to hear the tribunal's decision?

Question: Once all the paperwork is submitted (my paperwork, the ex spouse’ paperwork, and the witness letters), approximately how long does it take to hear the results?

Answer: Once all the paperwork has been submitted, normally you should hear back from the tribunal with the decision within a few months. However, in order to have a more accurate answer to the timeframe question, it is best to contact your tribunal. This is because each tribunal's time frames differ depending on its caseload and number of full-time personnel.

What if my ex won't cooperate?

Question: What happens if my ex-spouse is uncooperative toward the annulment process? Is there any way to receive an annulment without involving my ex-spouse? If so, what happens then?

Answer: Your former spouse must be contacted about the annulment petition. He or she is given the right to contest the annulment [by giving testimony], cooperate with the annulment [by giving testimony], or, they can simply choose not to be involved in the annulment investigation. If your ex-spouse selects the final choice the case proceeds without their involvement.

Do I have to see my ex at the annulment proceedings?

Question: Are the annulment proceedings like the divorce proceedings, where have to be in the same room with my ex-spouse?

Answer: No. The parties are never put together in the same place the same time during the annulment proceedings. In fact most tribunals collect testimonies through mail or on the telephone, so you never go to the tribunal. A few tribunals around the country have face-to-face interviews with the parties. But again, your ex-spouse will not be present at the same day/time if you have an interview at the tribunal.

I wasn't a Catholic when I married my first husband. Why do I need an annulment?

Question:
I am a baptized Lutheran. I had a justice of the peace marriage to my high school sweetheart when I was 17. It was a terrible marriage. We divorced by the time I was 19. I have been married to my present Catholic husband for the past 15 years. We were married outside of the Catholic Church because of my previous wedding and divorce.
I now want to become a Catholic.
Since I am not Catholic yet, and I was not a Catholic when I got married at 17, do I need an annulment?

Answer:
Yes. The Catholic Church recognizes marriages of non-Catholics as valid in Catholic church law. So even though you are divorced from your first husband, the Catholic Church still considers you husband and wife.
That is why you would need an annulment of your first marriage. If the annulment is granted, you would be free to marry the Catholic man you are now civilly married to in the Catholic Church. Once that happens you are then able to become a member of the Church.
Every divorced person has the right to petition for an annulment. I would encourage you to do so.

Question: Can I apply for an annulment before my divorce is final?

Answer:

In the US a person cannot apply for an annulment until their civil divorce is final. There is a twofold reason for this. The first is that the Church wants to be sure there is no hope of reconciliation for the couple. A completed civil divorce makes an argument for that assurance. The second would be that the Church would not want to insert itself during divorce proceedings due to a possible conflict of interest, i.e. alienation of affections.

Twice married and divorced and want to remarry my first wife ...

Question:

I am Catholic man who had a catholic wedding; and, then my wife and I divorced a few years later.

After the divorce I remarried a woman in a civil wedding service without getting a church annulment. I have subsequently divorced her.

Divorced now, I want to remarry my first catholic wife again.

Can we remarry in the Catholic Church and can we receive Holy Communion?

Answer:

You ask a very interesting question. Since the Catholic Church does not recognize civil divorce, you and your first wife are still considered husband and wife in the Catholic Church. So there is no need to "remarry" in the Church. In fact you would not be able to do so - as again - you have been considered husband and wife since your church wedding. The civil divorce did not affect that marital relationship.

In addition, since you are no longer living in your second union [the interim civil marriage], you are presently free to receive all the sacraments, including penance and Holy Communion.

You will need to go through a new "civil marriage" with the woman you are married to in the Catholic Church, since you civilly divorced her. But that is a civil matter and can most likely be done at your local City Hall.